Should I Stay or Should I Go?

A post by Ciara:

I very clearly remember my prayers from May of 2009. Every single one included:

“Should I stay or should I go?” 

Throughout my whole life, I have been the type who jumps into a situation with both feet; no questions asked; no fears in my way; with the excitement that, no matter what happens, experiencing Life is a guarantee.

But when it comes to moving across the country, the stakes are a little higher; the risk is a tad greater; and the ability to fear is a bit more present. 

Of course, if you move somewhere and hate it, you can always move away. That part is fine. But, as you get older, as you bring a husband, eventually a family, into the leap with you… things get a little more complicated.

What if you move somewhere, and you both hate it, but it's there that your husband builds one of the best friendships he has ever had? What if your best friend moves with you, and you both hate it, but you can’t move away at the same time… maybe not even to the same place!?

Let me clarify, I don’t hate California. 

California has been wonderful to us all! California is beautiful! California has given us the experience of swimming with the sharks, surfing the Pacific, dining on the Malibu shore, sitting on movie sets, perusing the Santa Monica Pier, crossing the Golden Gate, bonfiring on the beach, standing amongst the giant sequoias, and daydreaming, windows down, as we cruise along the Pacific Coast Highway. 

California started my marriage. California started Jenny’s motherhood. California is the dream!

I sit here now, reflecting back on all of these experiences, and I realize…Our dream has been fulfilled!

As 22 year old girls, we packed up everything and moved across the country with bright stars in our eyes and big dreams in our head of what a life in California would be like.  As 27 year old women, we can leave knowing.

Jenny and I have different dreams now. From bonfires to babies. From schools of sharks to schools for our kids. From giant trees to giant houses. From sitting on movie sets to sitting on movie sets… well some dreams will never change.

But the thing is, California is expensive. And with our new dreams, it seems we must find a new location; a new adventure.

Now, September of 2014, my prayer is the same, but this time for me and Jay:

“Should we stay or should we go?” Should we go now? Should we get to a place where we can save money? Should we go to a place where we can buy a house; where we can start a family? Should we go now that we finally have built a community in our church? Should we go now that we have found opportunities to serve our community in ways that enrich our souls? Should we go now… and leave Jenny behind? Should we go now, and leave the West Coast for good?

In May of 2009, despite the number of times I prayed, “Should I stay or should I go?”… I never got a “Stay” or “Go”. Instead, it was more of a:

“All in good time, my daughter, you will be exactly where I need you to be.”