This is real. And this sucks.
It really hit me today that we are moving. A lot of my stuff was still not packed and because I'm working, everything feels normal. But this afternoon I took the carseat out of my car and left it in the kids' garage. I brought their garage door opener that was in my car and I returned it to its place in the drawer in the kitchen. The card I swipe when I pick the youngest up from school was returned and the house key and alarm clicker as well. So ultimately, the ride home from work I cried like a baby for the longest time. Not just silent crying either. Long, hard and loud uncontrollable sobbing. All I could think of was when I first got there and how the middle one was as old as the youngest is now. The youngest was in diapers and couldn't talk. Now he's a fireball and has the wisdom of a twelve year old.
I was thinking about how I went skiing with them and had to run with them in the snow and cover their eyes so the wind wouldn't get them. I thought about all the basketball games of horse I have played in the past three years. I was thinking about how I watched a "C" student with zero confidence in school become a straight "A" student with so much potential. I was thinking how many lost teeth I've witnessed, scraped knees, bruises, bumps and tear filled moments. I was thinking about the endless questions they ask and even though it sometimes drives me crazy, it is endearing and I wouldn't change them for anything. I was thinking about how many lego towers we've built, how may diapers I changed, how many times I rewarded going on the big boy potty with skittles, how many flashcards for science or social studies I have made. I was thinking how many times I've folded the same clothes and watched them get handed down from one brother to the next. I was thinking how often I thought, "Wow, my mom was right". I was thinking about when the youngest one switched from a crib to a big boy bed, when he gave up his pacifier, when they all learned to swim or ride bikes. They have been such a huge part of my daily life for three years, that I seriously feel lost without having to be there with them.
I was hysterical by the time I finally made it home. I don't want to leave. Those kids mean the world to me.
Once I got home tonight, I tried to submerge myself in packing. So thus started the actuality of moving out. My once ridiculously full closet is practically empty. Anyone that knows me, knows how many clothes I have. There are 10 shirts hanging in my closet, 3 pairs of jeans and 3 skirts. Talk about EMPTY. I have two full suitcases of clothes though, and four boxes. Things are starting to find their new home inside cardboard. Our apartment looks as though something exploded... but slowly, it is emptying...
:( this is so bittersweet.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Could be the Crazies... or maybe just our life.
Last Friday night, we embarked on yet another adventure. To say the least. Now if you are a judger... stop right here. It gets kind of intense. Our longtime friend Zac flew in last Wednesday from Illinois and everyone was planning to spend an awesome weekend in Clearwater all hanging out. So Friday night I drove in from Orlando to Clearwater and went straight to my grandmas to drop off some boxes. My mom called and wanted me to meet her at the bar with her friends. I obliged and Ben was working down that way so she called him too and we hung out with a bunch of older drunken people. Awesome. Not so much. It was fun though.
After that, Ben and I made our way down to Clearwater Beach where all of our friends were hanging out. We got there and everyone was sprawled across a few blankets hanging out and talking (and playing the haha game) Well after about an hour or so, a few went home and there were finally just six of us left. We walked to the cars and Ciara and I (naturally right?) got real serious about night time swimming. We thought it was going to be awesome. Katie and Johnny bailed. They were tired and wanted to go home. So, Aaron, Zac, Ciara and I were left.
We walked along the beach for awhile and waited until we got pretty far down North Beach. Then we decided to skinny dip. Yep. We did. So we all stripped down and ran into the lukewarm water. In the pitch blackness we were having a grand ol' time. About fifteen minutes go by and the novelty wears off and we decide we are ready to go home. Aaron ventures out to go find our clothes, because we had somewhat drifted...
So as Aaron is running butt naked up the beach looking for our clothes (which he thinks he sees in a pile) he in actuality comes across a guy. So instead of yelling "AHHHHH" or something of equal value Aaron gets about a foot away from this guy and yells, "PERSON!" all the while being naked. Then Aaron sprints off the opposite way.
The guy starts walking into the water and Ciara looks at me, scoots closer and asks, "Is that guy NAKED???" Zac stands in front of us to protect us and as we try to make our way to the edge of the water and out to Aaron who is waving his cell phone light in the air to show us the way, the guy walks over to us. We all kind of walk away and the guy follows us. He is talking to Zac and Zac more or less tells the guy to leave, that we are uncomfortable. Some five minutes later, we finally manage to sneak away and run in the fetal position to the shore. Zac trails me and Ciara making sure we don't get killed. We dive onto a pile of clothes and curl ourselves together while Aaron throws a sheet over us. We finally find our clothes and all four of us sprint away from that crazy stoned dude.
Hey, if nothing else, it makes a good story right?
After that, Ben and I made our way down to Clearwater Beach where all of our friends were hanging out. We got there and everyone was sprawled across a few blankets hanging out and talking (and playing the haha game) Well after about an hour or so, a few went home and there were finally just six of us left. We walked to the cars and Ciara and I (naturally right?) got real serious about night time swimming. We thought it was going to be awesome. Katie and Johnny bailed. They were tired and wanted to go home. So, Aaron, Zac, Ciara and I were left.
We walked along the beach for awhile and waited until we got pretty far down North Beach. Then we decided to skinny dip. Yep. We did. So we all stripped down and ran into the lukewarm water. In the pitch blackness we were having a grand ol' time. About fifteen minutes go by and the novelty wears off and we decide we are ready to go home. Aaron ventures out to go find our clothes, because we had somewhat drifted...
So as Aaron is running butt naked up the beach looking for our clothes (which he thinks he sees in a pile) he in actuality comes across a guy. So instead of yelling "AHHHHH" or something of equal value Aaron gets about a foot away from this guy and yells, "PERSON!" all the while being naked. Then Aaron sprints off the opposite way.
The guy starts walking into the water and Ciara looks at me, scoots closer and asks, "Is that guy NAKED???" Zac stands in front of us to protect us and as we try to make our way to the edge of the water and out to Aaron who is waving his cell phone light in the air to show us the way, the guy walks over to us. We all kind of walk away and the guy follows us. He is talking to Zac and Zac more or less tells the guy to leave, that we are uncomfortable. Some five minutes later, we finally manage to sneak away and run in the fetal position to the shore. Zac trails me and Ciara making sure we don't get killed. We dive onto a pile of clothes and curl ourselves together while Aaron throws a sheet over us. We finally find our clothes and all four of us sprint away from that crazy stoned dude.
Hey, if nothing else, it makes a good story right?
Monday, July 13, 2009
Delayed
So the delay in constant updates was partially due to lack of time and energy and also partially due to the computer erasing my blog prior to print. Lame.
Anyway to refresh: July 3, I came home from a wonderful week of camp. My girls were crazy hyper but fun nonetheless. The week concluded in eight baptisms! It was awesome.
July 4th I hung out in Clearwater with all our friends. Nothing too special, just fun hanging with the crew. :)
About a week went by and on Thursday night Ciara and I had a ridiculous adventure... but what isn't normal about that???
Thursday night I come home from work late (like 10:30) and Ciara and I are pacing around the living room. A few minutes pass and we decide to go to Wal-Mart to get some boxes to start packing things. We found a bunch and took them out to the car... we went back inside Wal-Mart and started looking for boxes again. We were hanging out in the shoe aisle and as we were pushing our cart full of boxes into the main aisle, we almost ran into a big guy. He was dressed in all black and his pants were huge Japanese looking pants. (He told us later that they were) Well he and two other guys were walking quickly and stopped very briefly to ask us if we wanted to play Wal-Mart tag with them. Naturally Ciara and I both said yes. So we leave our cart of boxes stashed in an aisle and take off to hide in Wal-Mart with these guys (all of whom were very different from one another) As we are hiding, the guy in all black, whom everyone else called "Mister" (that was his name) showed us a video of the guy who was "it".
So for the next hour we scurried around Wal-Mart with a bunch of awesome strangers. Andrew, Mister, Kathy, New Josh, Shirt, and some other guy whose name has slipped my mind. After that, they asked us if we wanted to see a movie. We happily agreed and it wasn't until we got to the movie theater (driving in seperate cars and with them instead) we realized what movie we were actually seeing. Bruno. Fabulous. NOT. Could be the worst movie ever. I think it was disgusting. Absolutely puke worthy. And... a whole lot of penis that I really could have done without.
Well once the movie ended we were walking out towards the cars and there was a rock climbing wall turned on its side waiting for the farmer's market that would occur the following morning. So New Josh and the kid I don't remember decided to fight on top of it. It was awesome.
So instead of going home, we decided to slide down Mister's car on cardboard boxes. It was kind of awesome in theory and kind of lame in action. After that... we had shopping cart races and Ciara and I totally whomped the boys. Then New Josh, Ciara and I went for a jog...
Concluding our night Ciara and I grabbed cereal at home, returned to Wal-Mart to rescue our boxes and then came home and went to sleep... at 4:30 in the morning.
The following is a video of the night taped by youtuber "Songs by Mister" aka our new friend Mister.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxhMT8ruyZE&feature=channel_page
Anyway to refresh: July 3, I came home from a wonderful week of camp. My girls were crazy hyper but fun nonetheless. The week concluded in eight baptisms! It was awesome.
July 4th I hung out in Clearwater with all our friends. Nothing too special, just fun hanging with the crew. :)
About a week went by and on Thursday night Ciara and I had a ridiculous adventure... but what isn't normal about that???
Thursday night I come home from work late (like 10:30) and Ciara and I are pacing around the living room. A few minutes pass and we decide to go to Wal-Mart to get some boxes to start packing things. We found a bunch and took them out to the car... we went back inside Wal-Mart and started looking for boxes again. We were hanging out in the shoe aisle and as we were pushing our cart full of boxes into the main aisle, we almost ran into a big guy. He was dressed in all black and his pants were huge Japanese looking pants. (He told us later that they were) Well he and two other guys were walking quickly and stopped very briefly to ask us if we wanted to play Wal-Mart tag with them. Naturally Ciara and I both said yes. So we leave our cart of boxes stashed in an aisle and take off to hide in Wal-Mart with these guys (all of whom were very different from one another) As we are hiding, the guy in all black, whom everyone else called "Mister" (that was his name) showed us a video of the guy who was "it".
So for the next hour we scurried around Wal-Mart with a bunch of awesome strangers. Andrew, Mister, Kathy, New Josh, Shirt, and some other guy whose name has slipped my mind. After that, they asked us if we wanted to see a movie. We happily agreed and it wasn't until we got to the movie theater (driving in seperate cars and with them instead) we realized what movie we were actually seeing. Bruno. Fabulous. NOT. Could be the worst movie ever. I think it was disgusting. Absolutely puke worthy. And... a whole lot of penis that I really could have done without.
Well once the movie ended we were walking out towards the cars and there was a rock climbing wall turned on its side waiting for the farmer's market that would occur the following morning. So New Josh and the kid I don't remember decided to fight on top of it. It was awesome.
So instead of going home, we decided to slide down Mister's car on cardboard boxes. It was kind of awesome in theory and kind of lame in action. After that... we had shopping cart races and Ciara and I totally whomped the boys. Then New Josh, Ciara and I went for a jog...
Concluding our night Ciara and I grabbed cereal at home, returned to Wal-Mart to rescue our boxes and then came home and went to sleep... at 4:30 in the morning.
The following is a video of the night taped by youtuber "Songs by Mister" aka our new friend Mister.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxhMT8ruyZE&feature=channel_page
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
17 nights left...
We have 17 nights left in our apartment. Our bedrooms are still painted, posters still hung, boxes half packed and half played in (thanks to the cats) and looks like we still live here. I think we're trying to cut the ties slowly... this is our home. It feels like home and smells like home. Our stuff is here, the feeling of welcoming returns to both of us as we pull in downstairs. It's going to be really hard to move this time.
I am really upset about leaving my boys when I move. I've been their nanny for over three years now and I've watched them grow into young men and transform from babies to boys. Honestly, I can cut ties with my apartment, but it's going to be hard to leave them. I want to think I can still see them often, but after leaving to California and coming back quite awhile later... will they remember me?
I sat down with the youngest one a few days ago as we were playing legos on the floor and told him I wouldn't be his babysitter much longer. With tiny tears in his eyes he looked at me and with more wisdom than most four year olds should have and said, "I know Ms. Jennifer. I'm going to get a new babysitter. But we will always be friends. I don't want to forget you." I was speechless. The older ones will handle it better because they know a time before I was there and because they are more mature and able to handle it. I know I'm going to cry when I leave the last time. I love those kids so much. SO much. I would do anything for them...
So anyway... I packed up my shirts in my closet yesterday, which was a feat in and of itself. I left out about thirty shirts and filled a huge box with the rest. I'm planning on taking them back to Clearwater this weekend. Along with a bunch of other things. I'm planning on priming my room next week and making it an apartment room instead of MY room again. I really don't know what I'm going to do with all my crap...
Aside from that, I got back from camp earlier this week. We had a great week out there and I survived... even despite the fact that my girls all tried to kill each other. The week was good for them and we had eight baptisms at the end of the week, bringing the camp total to forty so far for the summer I think. The week was definitely a lesson in patience for me as well. It was so nice to get back to camp though, I had missed it so much. I'm pretty excited to go back in 18 days too. :)
What Else Is There?
Oh Lord my Lord
Majestic is your name in all the earth
Oh righteous God, who searches minds and searches all my heart
The moon and stars, He set in place
CHORUS
I can't take my eyes off you my Lord
What else is there?
You are greater, Lord, Creator
You reign forever, reign forever.
I'll sing to you. I will tell of your wondrous works.
I'll rejoice with you. I'll sing praise to your name, O' Most High
The moon and stars He set in place
Chorus
---Foundation Red
Back to more packing and sleeping... another day will be here soon enough..
I am really upset about leaving my boys when I move. I've been their nanny for over three years now and I've watched them grow into young men and transform from babies to boys. Honestly, I can cut ties with my apartment, but it's going to be hard to leave them. I want to think I can still see them often, but after leaving to California and coming back quite awhile later... will they remember me?
I sat down with the youngest one a few days ago as we were playing legos on the floor and told him I wouldn't be his babysitter much longer. With tiny tears in his eyes he looked at me and with more wisdom than most four year olds should have and said, "I know Ms. Jennifer. I'm going to get a new babysitter. But we will always be friends. I don't want to forget you." I was speechless. The older ones will handle it better because they know a time before I was there and because they are more mature and able to handle it. I know I'm going to cry when I leave the last time. I love those kids so much. SO much. I would do anything for them...
So anyway... I packed up my shirts in my closet yesterday, which was a feat in and of itself. I left out about thirty shirts and filled a huge box with the rest. I'm planning on taking them back to Clearwater this weekend. Along with a bunch of other things. I'm planning on priming my room next week and making it an apartment room instead of MY room again. I really don't know what I'm going to do with all my crap...
Aside from that, I got back from camp earlier this week. We had a great week out there and I survived... even despite the fact that my girls all tried to kill each other. The week was good for them and we had eight baptisms at the end of the week, bringing the camp total to forty so far for the summer I think. The week was definitely a lesson in patience for me as well. It was so nice to get back to camp though, I had missed it so much. I'm pretty excited to go back in 18 days too. :)
What Else Is There?
Oh Lord my Lord
Majestic is your name in all the earth
Oh righteous God, who searches minds and searches all my heart
The moon and stars, He set in place
CHORUS
I can't take my eyes off you my Lord
What else is there?
You are greater, Lord, Creator
You reign forever, reign forever.
I'll sing to you. I will tell of your wondrous works.
I'll rejoice with you. I'll sing praise to your name, O' Most High
The moon and stars He set in place
Chorus
---Foundation Red
Back to more packing and sleeping... another day will be here soon enough..
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)